Tales From Podex: Moving Target

By Bixyl Shuftan

He'd get them this time.

Again and again, he had tried to rob that bank. And again and again, he had failed. While sometimes he had simply gotten away with nothing gained, others he'd been caught by the cops and tossed in the slammer for a while. Either way, he had no Lindens to show for all his work.

Well, it would be different this time. His plan would be foolproof. He'd hoodwink his way in, get access to the safe, then grab all the Lindens.

Nothing would go wrong.

He'd walk away vindicated as the master thief he was, and that Podex Bank would be humiliated. No more would they call him "Clumsy Cooper."

Reaching the Moonburry sim, he approached the bank's location, near the beach. He gleefully went over the steps of his flawless plans, then he stopped.

Something wasn't right. The bank wasn't supposed to look like that.

He continued forward, the closer he got, the more worried he got. "It, can't, be," he thought allowed. Finally, he reached the location.

The bank building was missing.

Podex was gone.

GONE!

In it's place, there was a large green sign, "WE MOVED. We moved to new location. Podex."

"No! Noooooooo!!"

The furred thief dropped to his knees, "NO!! I spent weeks perfecting the perfect plan! AND THEY MOVE!! You can't do this to me Podex! You can't do this to me!! Why?! Whyyyyyyyyyy?!!"

He collapsed onto the ground, sobbing, "It's, not, faaaiiirrrrr …"

*  *  *  *  *

Meanwhile many sims away in Coda, the tellers worked away at the new Podex Exchange building. "Well," one spoke to the other, "how do you like the new office so far?"


"It's great," the other answered, "There's lots of room, and I love the boss's art collection."

"Yes, he does like to collect."

"So far, we've been getting most of our usual level of traffic."

"It does look like our customers are having no trouble finding us."

The second teller pondered, "Hmmm, I wonder."

"What's up?"

"That Clumsy Cooper who's always trying to rob us."

"Oh yeah, knowing him, he probably won't know where to look for a while," both tellers chuckled, "even if he did, no matter what he tries, he won't walk away with a single Linden. All business is done through electronic transfer. He'll never get his hands on our Lindens."

"Yeah," the second teller continued to chuckle, "he'll never learn."

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld now at Coda (45, 218, 61).

Note: The preceding is a fictional story, written for the dual purpose of advertisement and entertainment.

Bixyl Shuftan

Tales From Podex: Robbery Rivalry

He'd get them this time.

It was September 19, or "Talk Like a Pirate Day," and he was ready to once again make his move on the Podex Bank. Most likely they were expecting him, probably to repeat his pirate imitation that somehow ended up falling to pieces of eight. Well, no pirate act this time.

He'd gotten his hands on a flashy "gun." It didn't fire bullets, but instead would let loose a series of bright, blinding lights. He'd dazzle the bank tellers, and while they were half blind with spots before their eyes, he'd go in, get the Lindens, and quickly be back out. Simple as that.

No more of their mocking. No more of their calling him "Clumsy Cooper." Finally he'd get some respect as the professional bank heist artist he was.

He soon got to the bank. No need for a disguise. In his usual dark leather jacket, he began walking up the steps …

"Avast me hearties! This be a stick-up!"

What the hey?

"Ye be givn' me all your pieces o' eight!"

He peeked inside. He saw someone confronting the tellers. With a guitar on his back, he looked like a musician, except for one thing. He was holding a sword, and he was pointing it at the tellers.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Heh, isn't it obvious? Who else could it be but Clumsy Cooper again? Only he could be this brazen and dense."

"But it looks nothing like Clumsy."

"Guess he got better at disguises. Heh heh, nice one Clumsy."

"Arrrr! Who be this Clumsy Cooper? Jes gimme ye gold, and aye not be stickn' ye with me rib poker an' takin' ye guts fer garters."

The tellers just laughed, "Now you just turn around and go, and we won't call the carps on you."

He couldn't believe it! Some other robber was after Podex. HIS Podex! Well, he wouldn't stand for that.

He then walked in, "Now wait just a darn minute!" He confronted the sword-wielding guitarist, "This bank's mine!"

The musician with a most unmusical instrument looked his way, "Who the bloody hell be ye?"

"I'm the guy who has dibs on this bank. I've been trying to get what's mine for over a year now. I'm not going to let you beat me to it."

"Then ye be a lousy cutpurse. Stand back an' leave th' plundering' to me."

"Well what do you know?" One teller commented, "We have two numbskulls who think they can rob us today."

"Shut up!" both robbers yelled in unison, then Cooper raised his weapon, "All right, this ends now!" He pulled the trigger, and …

Nothing.

He pulled the trigger again, still nothing.

One of the tellers chuckled, "Your freebie didn't work as advertised, Clumsy?"

"This thing must be stuck or something." Frustrated, he looked closer at the gun.

POOF!

The gun had gone off, but the light went in all directions, not just forward, and he'd gotten it in the eyes at point blank range, "Ahhhh!"

"Ow, that stung me eye, ye clumsy landlubber!"

Half blinded, Cooper could barely make out the other robber going to him, then he felt a punch to the jaw. He staggered back, then felt a body blow to his stomach. He bent over, walking backward, "Urrrrgh, I'll, get, you."

"Ye be gettin' nowt but a knuckle sandwich ye dumb landlubber." Cooper saw the other robber back up a foot, then suddenly spring forward. He felt a tremendous blow to the chin, and fell backward. He fell over the bank steps, and onto the beach.

Cooper blacked out momentarily. When he came to, he looked around, and saw a SLPD car next to him. Surprised, he stood up. But then saw it was empty.

"All right!" he heard from inside, "You're under arrest for attempted griefing."

"I don't understand," he heard the other robber say, speaking more normally, "How could things have gone so wrong?"

"Well, number one," he heard a teller speak, "you were so busy with Clumsy Cooper, you didn't see us alert the authorities. Number two, your sword broke when you hit the counter because it was a cheap one not much better than a freebie. And number three, criminals are stupid."

"Why you …"

"That will be quite enough," he heard someone else speak, presumably another policeman, "Yes, we saw Clumsy too. Knocked out like a light. We thought he knocked himself out again, then we heard the commotion in here."

"Yeah, we finally found someone as dumb as Clumsy."

"Shuttup!"

"Where you're going, you'll have lots of quiet time. You have the right to remain silent. … "

It was then Cooper decided to sneak away, knowing where the police would be headed next. He slipped away into some vegetation. As he moved further away, he grumbled to himself about another plan gone awry. But at least the guy responsible would be the one getting locked up instead of him.

Back at the bank, the cops did a quick search for Clumsy Cooper, but not finding him radioed the station, and drove off with the suspect in custody. Inside Podex, things quickly went back to normal, reminding themselves even if the robbers had cooperated, they wouldn't have walked away with a single Linden. All business was done through electronic transfer. There was never any threat to the banks' funds.

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld at Moonberry (26, 223, 34).

Note: The preceding is a fictional story, written for the dual purpose of advertisement and entertainment.

Bixyl Shuftan

Tales from Podex: Burglary Tunneling Effort Goes Under

He'd get them this time.

When he first targeted them, it was nothing personal. Just go in, grab a few Lindens, and leave. Simple as that. But instead everything went wrong and he ended up in the slammer for a while. Since then, he'd tried and tried again to rob this Podex Bank. And every time bad luck would throw his plans into a tailspin. He could almost hear these guys laughing at him. They were even referring to him as "Clumsy Cooper" as a joke.

Well, soon they wouldn't be laughing. Soon he'd finally walk away with the Lindens.

He'd discovered this old map by sheer coincidence, a map of a tunnel network running under a number of places. And one branch led under Moonbeam, and under the Podex bank building. All he had to do was follow the tunnels, dig a few feet, break in, get the Lindens, and go back out the way he came.

Going through the tunnels, they were simple at first. But then the chambers and larger passages became full of sets of bars, resulting in a kind of maze. And it wasn't long before be began getting lost. He sighed in frustration. Would he be once again be denied his prize? Would be be denied the victory that would vindicate all the effort he spent?

It was then he noticed something moving in the shadows. Cautious, he crept closer, and found a girl, a brownish vixen. Her unusual feature, two tails, with a band near the base with a glowing star. He thought he was unseen, but he brushed against a loose bar, which fell and clanged against another.

The girl turned and smiled, "Oh, hi there. I don't get many visitors here. Who are you?"

"Um," he wasn't sure whether to give his real name or not, "My friends call me Cooper."

"Hi Cooper, I'm Jasmine." She gave a sweet smile, "I come here to pick a few mushrooms. What'cha doin?"

"Um, exploring. I wanted to check out what was under the Moonbeam area."

"Moonbeam? I know where that is. Need help?"

"Oh yes." Cooper smiled, his luck was improving after all.

And so Jasmine led him through the maze-like passages. They soon were under the Moonbeam area, and not far from the bank. Cooper was already counting the Lindens in his head. Then they went through a passage that reminded Cooper of a prison area with cell-like chambers with bunks in them. He did his best to put that out of his mind. Then she walked into one such cell and began looking under one of the bunks.

"What're you looking for?" Cooper asked her.

"I had some keys to a door up ahead under here. Can you help me?"

He then got down and began looking under the bunk. After a couple moments though, he heard a metallic slam. He turned, and he found the door shut, and Jasmine looking at him from outside with a cunning grin, the keys in her hand.

"Wha- what was that for?"

"I know who you are, Clumsy Cooper. And I know why you're here. You wanted to use my tunnels to rob my neighbors."

"How did you - I mean no I didn't!"

"Don't worry, I won't keep you here. I'll just call the police and they'll take you out, to jail."

"No! Please, let me go."

"So you can rob my neighbors again?"

Cooper got on his knees, "Please, please please! I'll never come down here to rob them again, I swear."

The vixen looked at him, then her look softened, "Well, all right. you can go. But remember your promise."

"Oh thank you! Thank you!" Jasmine then let him out, and the humbled Cooper followed her to an exit.

"Here you go. If I ever see you again in my tunnels, it better not be anywhere near the bank."

"Cross my heart, hope to die." Cooper then left the tunnel network and was back on the surface. He wasn't angry, just glad to be out of his predicament.

Some time later, Jasmine approached the bank. Cooper did seem kind of cute, almost snuggly and huggable. He just had to be watched when it came to the matter of valuables. But she had a feeling he would honor his promise to at least leave the tunnel network out of his robbery plans. But even if he had made it to the bank, the silly Cooper wouldn't have walked away with a single Linden. All business was done through electronic transfer. There was never any threat to the banks' funds.

She walked up to a teller, who asked, "Hi, may I help you?"

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld at Moonberry (26, 223, 34).

Note: The preceding is a fictional story, written for the dual purpose of advertisement and entertainment.

Special thanks to Jasmine Dawn.

Bixyl Shuftan

Burglar Ballooning a Bust

Recently, The Podex Exchange was the target of an attempted burglary. The day in late July began much like others at the time. The tellers were discussing the weekend at the Relay for Life track, and were talking about the various exhibits there. Up in the air, however, someone was headed their way.

Floating high up was a figure. He had gotten hold of some lighter-than-air balloons, and was able to take flight. And the breeze was taking him towards Podex. He was the burglar the SLPD have nicknamed “Clumsy Cooper” (a play on the noted thief Sly Cooper), whom has a record of trying to rob the exchange, and never succeeding. His plan this time: when just over the bank, he’d let go of enough balloons for a soft landing, sneak inside from the top, and make off with the Lindens.

However, Clumsy Cooper didn’t count on the region’s air traffic. First a vintage Second World War Two Imperial Japanese bomber flew by, blowing him off course. Then, a little pink dragonette flew over, and began pecking and clawing at the balloons, bursting them. Clumsy Cooper tried scare it by shouting at it, then tried to shoo it away. But the dragonette popped the last few balloons, and the bandit plummeted back down.

Fortunately for Clumsy Cooper, he was over the water at the time. Unfortunately, some of the bank’s neighbors had heard his shouting, let alone the big SPLASH! Wadding out of the drink, he saw people headed his way. He promptly ran off, dropping a notepad and some tools. Although soaking wet, the notepad revealed his plans. The people seeing the pink dragonette with popped balloons in it’s beak and claws, and the SLPD questioning nearby airports, Clumsy's ill fated mission was figured out. Another thing that doomed Clumsy's efforts, he had brought with him safecracking tools, which would have been useless at Podex. “All our exchanges are done through electronic transfer,” a teller explained. There had never been a threat to the exchange's funds.

Clumsy Cooper is wanted for attempting to circumvent a region ban and attempted griefing. Anyone with information of his whereabouts is asked to contact the nearest chapter of the SLPD.

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld at Moonberry (26, 223, 34).

Bixyl Shuftan

Bank Bazooka Burglary Bungled

In March, the Podex Exchange was the scene of an attempted robbery that was thwarted due to the bandit’s choice of a popgun as the holdup weapon. A couple months later, Podex was the scene of another bungled burglary. This time, with a different weapon.

Security cameras showed a suspicious character walking up to the back of the building carrying something. An analysis of the recording suggested it was a bazooka. He went over to the rear wall, and pointed the rocket at it. He was preparing to blow a hole into the back.

Then came a voice from behind, “What do you think you’re doing?”

The thief turned, and found himself looking up at a huge dragon, covered in gray scales. Even on all fours, it was over twenty feet high.

The bandit emitted a high-pitched squeak, and swung the bazooka to the dragon, his knees shaking with fear. The dragon tisked, “Oh come on! Do you really think that will hurt me?” The burgular seemed to shake more intensely, closing his eyes, and pulling the trigger ...

And the round fired, hit the dragon’s leg, and harmlessly bounced off the thick scales.

The robber’s eyes widened, and frantically began loading another round. The dragon then grunted, and leaned closer. The bandit then screamed, dropped the bazooka, and ran away into the nearby bushes. The dragon then shook his head, and walked around to the front of the building to conduct some business. It wasn’t after he exchanged some Euros for Lindens that he mentioned the would-be bazooka burglar. But by this time, the culprit had slipped out of sight.

The SLPD investigated, examined the rocket, and concluded it was a freebie weapon, harmless to both human and dragon avatars, “It would have peeved someone off, maybe sting them a little, but not blow them away any distance. Let alone half a sim.” So there was no threat to the continuing service of the exchange. There is currently a warrant out for the culprit for attempted griefing.

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld at Moonberry (26, 223, 34).

Bixyl Shuftan