SL Fiction: Christmas In The Deathlands

 

We take a break from the news to bring for your entertainment a piece of Second Life fiction. In the continuing tales of Melvin Cooper, an ex-burglar brought from early 21st Century America to the post-apocalyptic area known as the Deathlands. Christmas Day starts out like many others for our protagonist, hungry with no food. But his luck takes some unusual turns, and eventually gets to show some locals what the Christmas spirit is about.

Read the fiction in Extra. 

Clumsy Cooper's Halloween Tale

 

We interrupt our news reporting with a Halloween story. Clumsy Cooper is back. Somehow, he ended up in Montecity Bay after his trip to the Deathlands. Life is better, with food every day and a soft bed every night. But he still wishes for more, such as cute girls. With rumors floating around, someone asks him for a favor, right on Halloween night. Will our ex-burglar get himself a decent amount of cash? Will he finally find love? The only thing one can be sure of on Halloween is to expect the unexpected.

Read our Halloween SL fiction in Extra.

 

Melvin's Deathlands Adventures: Chapter One - The Begining

 

Some of you remember "Clumsy Cooper" from the "Tales From Podex" adverts, the hard-luck robber who could never burgle a thing from the Second Life bank. But when Linden Lab ordered the banks in the virtual world closed, instead of finding someone else to grief, Clumsy, or Melvin as it was revealed his name really was, decided to turn over a new leaf. Since then, nothing's been heard of the ex-bandit. So what happened to him? It seems Melvin's crazy luck has taken him to a rather interesting place in Second Life: The Deathlands.

See what happens to Melvin in Extra.

 

Looking Back: The Misadventures of Clumsy Cooper

 

In March 2011, the Newser ran a "fun article" for the purposes of helping to advertise the Podex Exchange. A furry raccoon with a popgun made a lame attempt to hold up the place, possibly inspired by it's nickname: the Podex Bank. As it turned out, this would be just the first of many such fun articles about the clumsy burglar whom kept trying to rob the place and hilariously failing every time. They would go on for over four years until sadly Linden Lab's new rules brought them to an end. In this story, we look back at the takes of the bandit known as Clumsy Cooper.

Read the story in Extra.

Tales From Podex: This Is Goodbye

"All good things must come to an end." We at Second Life Newser had a fun time doing the advertisements for our longtime sponsors, the Podex Exchange. One reoccurring theme was "Clumsy Cooper," the raccoon robber whom tried again and again to steal money from the place, and failed every time.

Sadly, Linden Lab made their doing business here impossible, so they had to move on. But Clumsy Cooper was just too good a character to just stop writing about without some closure. And so, we close our "Tales from Podex" with one last appearance from the burglar.

Read the story in Extra.

Tales from Podex: Eggs Over Squeezy

By Bixyl Shuftan


March had been a good month for the Podex Exchange. As always, people went there to exchange their dollars, Euros, and other global currencies along with bitcoins for Lindens. Often they'd talk to the tellers what they were getting them for. Some were out to enjoy the winter season while there was still winter around. Others were buying them for apparel for the St. Patrick's parties, getting outfits, decorations, and kegs of green beer. Then there was the start of the Relay Season, and people were donating to their teams in various events. And of course, late in the month people were starting to get Easter decorations, which would fall on the first weekend in April.

The tellers were talking about the various goings on, when a certain figure walked in. He was wearing some colorful shorts, had long ears, and was carrying a basket of eggs and chocolates. And there was a sign inside, "Happy Easter."

The tellers looked at him, "Um, can we help you?"

"Yes, I'm the local Easter Bunny around here, and need to hide some eggs. This looks like a good spot."

"You want to hide eggs here?"

"Yes, in the back of the place, in the room you call the vault."

"I think not," the teller chuckled, "Clumsy Cooper, you honestly thought that lame disguise would work?"

"Who's Clumsy? I'm just here to hide some eggs."

"Yeah, right. Just turn right around before we call the police."

"Okay, be that way!" Clumsy then pulled out one of the eggs, "These are actually bombs. Just hand over the Lindens, and no one gets hurt."

The teller laughed, "The only bomb is your act. We're calling the cops."

Clumsy reacted by taking the egg and hurling it at the teller. But it didn't hit him. Instead, it hit the counter, bounced off, and hit him square in the forehead, "Owwwww!

"Get 'im!"

Realizing his plot was foiled, Clumsy turned around to bolt away. But while he had been confronting the tellers, someone had stepped inside the exchange after him. From the waist down, she had a serpintine, snakelike body: a naga. Clumsy yelped and tried to get around her. But she whipped her tail out at him, and tripped him. He tried to scramble up, but found her tail winding around him. "Ahhhhhhh!" He yelped again, trying to break free, but the naga's tail was just too strong. Clumsy was tighly bound.

"Lemme go!" the burglar begged.

"So ya can rob this place again?" The naga asked.

"Heeeellllppp!" Clumsy looked frightened.

"How long can you hold him, Ma'am?" one of the tellers asked.

"How long does it take to get the police here?" She answered.

"Not long. You want anything while we wait."

"Nah, I'm fine. He's actually kinda cute. I just wanna give him a nice big squeeze."

Clumsy felt the coils around him get a little tighter. He wasn't sure who to be afraid of more, time in the slammer, or being a little too close to a phobia of his.

"Snakes, why did it have to be snakes?"

It wasn't long before the SLPD arrived. Clumsy Cooper was arrested and charged with attempted griefing.

But even if Cooper's scheme had worked, there was no way he could have gotten away with any ill-gotten gains. “All our exchanges are done through electronic transfer,” a teller later explained to the SLPD, “He wouldn’t have walked away with a single Linden.”

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld at the Coda sim at (45, 218, 61).

Note: The preceding is a fictional story, written for the dual purpose of advertisement and entertainment.

By Bixyl Shuftan 

Tales From Podex: Assisted Attempt at Acquisition

He'd get them this time.

For months he'd been trying to beat them, sneak in, swipe the loot, then get away. But what should have been simple was somehow foiled every single time by bad luck. Maybe he really did use shoddy equipment as they kept suggesting. No, it had to be just a run of bad luck.

Again and again, he'd been beaten by this Podex. He could just imagine them laughing at him. Well, he'd finally get the last laugh.

"You should be almost there," crackled a voice into his ear.

"Um, yes, almost at the spot," Clumsy spoke out loud.

Getting away last time, he stumbled into the lair of someone whom called himself "The Mastermind." In order to get this mysterious, and scary, character off his back, he had to run a few errands. But he performed to The Mastermind's satisfaction, so he let him go. But he did get one thing out of it. Someone whom also had been doing the mystery man's bidding was willing to partner with him to be the "brains" of the operation, in exchange for a share of the Lindens. "Bilby" as he called himself would offer advice from a small radio in Clumsy's ear as he observed his position on a map, and as the burglar described what he saw.

Bilby's plan turned out to be pretty smart. Instead of walking in during broad daylight, wait until dark when there was less staff on duty. And instead of trying to go in the front door through some disguise, sneak in through a back door on the second floor.

So Clumsy headed over to the Podex Bank at night, heading to the side of the building. He went to the midsection, where there was a deck on the second floor that would allow for access inside.

"Okay, throw the rope up."

"I'm on it." Clumsy got a rope and hook, and threw it up. The hook caught onto the other side of the wall. He climbed up one of the support pillars, and once over the edge, "Okay, I'm in."

"Great. Just make your way downstairs, and the safe should be in one of the back rooms."

Ckumsy then made his way to the stairs. He then began making his way down, but he slipped and slid down. He ended up at the bottom with a thud."

"What was that?!"

"Uh, nothing," Clumsy whispered. He quickly got back on his feet, and out of sight of the front desks sneaked around to where the back rooms were. He began checking them. Finally, he saw next to some crates a safe.

 "I found it. It looks pretty small for a bank this size."

"Could be a second safe for special valuables. Now hold the mike up to next to the dial, and I'll let you know when to turn the other way."

Clumsy did, and began cracking the safe with Bilby's help. And in just a few minutes, there was a click, "I got it!" he gave a loud whisper.

"Great, now just reach inside and - "

"Security!" The lights came on, and clumsy turned to see a guard dressed in blue.

"Um, hi!" Clumsy couldn't believe it, his luck had soured yet again!

"Hi yourself. What are you doing here?"

"Um, I needed some fresh air, so I thought I might head to the back."

"I think not 'Clumsy Cooper.' You're under arrest."

Clumsy looked frantically for another way out, and the guard began walking his way. Clumsy then ran to the side and around him. The guard tried to grab him, but it was his turn to stumble. By the time he recovered, Clumsy was close to the door. He then drew a weapon, "Halt, or I'll shoot!"

Clumsy yelped and continued running. Bilby's voice yelled, "Run, get out of there!"

"What's a guard doing here?!"

"You never told me there was one!"

"I've never tried to get in at night!" Clumsy ran down the hall, past the front desk and it's startled tellers, and out the front door. He continued running. Fortunately the cover of night meant he was quickly out of sight.

"Some help you turned out to be." Clumsy growled.

"Well, there's next time." Bilby tried to reassure. But despite his getaway, Clumsy was not happy. Yet again, Podex had beaten him.

Back at the Podex Exchange, the Second Life Police Department was called, and they did an investigation. Not finding Clumsy Cooper, they issued a warrant for his arrest for attempted griefing.

But even if Cooper's scheme had worked, there was no way he could have gotten away with any ill-gotten gains. “All our exchanges are done through electronic transfer,” a teller later explained to the SLPD, “He wouldn’t have walked away with a single Linden.”

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld at the Coda sim at (45, 218, 61).

Note: The preceding is a fictional story, written for the dual purpose of advertisement and entertainment.

By Bixyl Shuftan 

Tales From Podex: When Feathers Fly

 The workers at the Podex Exchange were going about this day in late November. They talked some about the Veterans Day activities earlier that month. They talked a little about upcoming Winter activities that would soon arrive across the Grid. But more immediate were Thanksgiving activities. Some of the tellers expressed they seemed hard to find, although there was a replica of the Mayflower that had been built.

During the talk, a figure approached the bank entrance. A teller glanced his way before turning to the others, “Looks like someone from a Thanksgiving party is stopping by for a little business.” They took care of some paperwork as the resident entered, then one turned his way, “Hello, how can we hel-” his words were cut short when he recognized the visitor.

The resident was wearing an American Indian costume. Not an authentic one, but one that looked like it was made for a low-budget movie. the most prominent feature were the feathers worn in places around the arms and legs, as well as a single feather on a headband, with the largest piece being a bow and quiver. The guy wearing it was instantly recognizable, “Clumsy Cooper,” the petty thief whom kept trying to rob the Podex exchange. But his attempts had never succeeded, sometimes failing epically.

“I bring greetings from Procyon Tribe,” Clumsy bluffed, talking like a movie character, “Here for terms of Treaty. Your Chief Shuftan get Coda land in exchange for fifty thousand Lindens every autumn at the time of the turkey. Will take now.”

The tellers looked at him, then chuckled. One joked, “Procyon Tribe had weak claim on land. Deal to trade for Lindens never made. Deal made to trade for two skins.” He then reached under his table, and tossed a couple moth-eaten rabbit pelts in Clumsy’s direction.

It was then Clumsy dropped his fake Indian act, “Okay, this is a stick-up!" He then drew his bow and arrow, "Hand over your Lindens!”

The tellers stared back, and one retorted, “Oh pul-lease. I’ve seen real Indians, or rather Native Americans, and I’ve seen real bows and arrows. That thing’s a cheap imitation from a freebie store that couldn’t scratch a target.”

“Oh yeah?!” Clumsy then pulled back on the string, aiming at a piece of equipment. But the result was a “crick” sound, followed by the bow breaking in two. Surprised, Clumsy let it drop to the ground. For a moment, no one spoke a word. Then one teller yelled, “Get ‘im!”

Clumsy's response was to turn tail and run out of the bank, and keep running. He looked around for a place to hide. He saw a huge dark building nearby and ran to that. Getting close, he was wondering if he'd have to swim across a moat, but a metal gangplank extended out to an outcrop of black iron on the other side. Clumsy ran up, crossed in, and ran inside, thinking only that this would be a place to hide.

Once in, Clumsy found himself in some kind of dark iron structure, the smell of Industrial grease and fuels around. He was still getting his bearings when the door shut behind him, leaving only minimal light.

"Identify yourself, visitor," a voice boomed out from the loudspeaker.

"Um," Clumsy began to regret his choice of a hiding place, "just a passerby going through."

"I think not. You were seen running from the Podex Exchange. Are you not this 'Clumsy Cooper' whom has been attempting to rob the place?"

"Wh-what makes you think that?" Clumsy was getting nervous.

The response was an evil chuckle that made the burglar's blood chill, "I would say it's plainly obvious. But do not worry. There will be no call to the police. I have use for a 'liberator of assets' as yourself."

"Um, wh-what would you have me do?"

A door leading to deeper inside slowly open, "Come and more will be explained. Succeed, and perhaps you will have learned enough to successfully burgle your adversary.  Fail, and you will live only just long enough to wish you had fallen into the hands of the authorities."

Clumsy gulped, then hesitated, feeling he'd gotten way over his head. But with the door to the outside locked, there was nothing else to do but follow the lead of his mysterious host. So he nervously walked forward, wondering how he was going to get out of this one.

Back at the Podex Exchange, the Second Life Police Department was called, and they did an investigation. Not finding Clumsy Cooper, they issued a warrant for his arrest for attempted griefing.

But even if Cooper's scheme had worked, there was no way he could have gotten away with any ill-gotten gains. “All our exchanges are done through electronic transfer,” a teller later explained to the SLPD, “He wouldn’t have walked away with a single Linden.”

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld at the Coda sim at (45, 218, 61).

Note: The preceding is a fictional story, written for the dual purpose of advertisement and entertainment.

By Bixyl Shuftan

Tales from Podex: Pirate Pratfalls

 By Bixyl Shuftan

It started off as more or less any other day at the Podex Exchange. One of the tellers talked about going to the "Clockwork Spiral" charity event later on. Someone else talked about taking a look at the "Vinyl Museum" and "Happy Vixen" clubs in HV Community and Sunny Beach respectively. Then someone remembered what day it was, "Arrrrr! It be September 19th., maties. It be 'Talk Like a Pirate Day,' lan'lubbers! Arrr!" And after a few chuckles, other tellers were doing it too, "Avast there!" "Shiver me timbers!" "Arrrr!"

While the tellers were joking and laughing, someone walked into the bank. Seeing him, a teller turned, "Good day Sir, what can - " the teller's sentence cut off when two things were clear. One, the visitor was dressed up in pirate garb, which included a sword. Two, his bushy banded tail and natural mask marked him as a familiar character: "Clumsy Cooper." Clumsy had repeatedly tried to rob Podex, and always failed.

"Avast ye scurvy dogs!" Clumsy took hold of a cutlass by the grip and drew it out of it's sheath, "This be a plunderin.'

“Avast yerself, lan’lubber!” One of the tellers called back, “Ye got some chum showin yerself here ye drunken bilge rat!”

“Don’ ye ‘landlubber’ me! Now gather up all ye booty an’ be quick abou’ it!”

“Ye pardon me if we not be so smartly ‘bout yer demands, youn’ pup. But ye try ta raid our poopdeck many times before, an’ every time ye end up keelhaulin’ yerself.”

“That be rotten luck. Now, do I need to wack a few of yer addin’ machines with me cutlass to git yer attention?” He pointed his sword forward.

“My attention be on yer cutlass. Five peices o’ eight that be nuthin’ but a cheap peice o’ plastic.”

“Arrrr! That be fightin’ words!” Clumsy then began swinging the sword around, “I’ll make ye all walk th’ plank!” Then in the middle of his ranting, he slammed the blade of the sword onto the floor, and it snapped in two.

Clumsy looked at the broken blade wide-eyed, then looked at the tellers, “Um, perhaps I be a bit hasty.” He gave a nervous smile, “I be in a good mood. Ye can keep yer booty.”

“Get him!” The teller yelled, pointing at him, “Throw that sack o’ shark bait in th’ busted head!”

Clumsy then turned tail and ran back out the bank. He ran across the field, then the road, and found an airplane on what looked like to him like some kind of launcher he then climbed aboard and started the engine. The plane sputtered and coughed, but it's motor was just not going. Clumsy banged on the pannel in frustration, but that only got the plane to creak as it tipped to the side, and fell down, one door against the ground, the other held shut by a broken wing. Clumsy count only wait as the SLPD arrived and got him out. They then immediately placed him in handcuffs, charged with attempted griefing.

But even if Cooper's scheme had worked, there was no way he could have gotten away with any ill-gotten gains. “All our exchanges are done through electronic transfer,” a teller later explained to the SLPD, “He wouldn’t have walked away with a single Linden.”

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld at the Coda sim at (45, 218, 61).

Note: The preceding is a fictional story, written for the dual purpose of advertisement and entertainment.

Tales From Podex: Roman Raccoon Robbery

 By Bixyl Shuftan

It was turning out to be a fairly ordinary day in mid-March for the Podex Exchange. Clients came in to exchange their various currencies for Lindens. St. Patricks Day would be in a couple days, and people were buying up green outfits and holiday decorations. Between customers, the tellers talked among themselves about events inworld. They talked about the Relay for Life starting up it's season of fundraising and events, and perhaps they themselves would visit a winter area while there was still time.

While they were chatting, all of a sudden they heard,  "Friends, Romans, countrymen ..."

Confused, the tellers drew their attention to the door.

What they saw was a figure dressed up in of all things a toga, an outfit from ancient Roman times. It was held in place by a cord around the waist. The figure however, was a familiar-looking gray-furred character.

"Tis be the Ides of March," the figure spoke, "an' the Theater be in need of funds from it's account to play 'Ceasar.' So I'm here to collect a sum."

"You'll be collecting nothing but a call from the cops," a teller grinned, "Clumsy Cooper, we know it's you."

"Who be Clumsy? I be but a simple bard."

"I'll have to hand it to you," another teller spoke, "I was expecting you to pull a leprechaun gag. But even with you hiding your tail, we know it's you. Now just walk away and we'll pretend this never happened."

"All right, be that way!" the pantsless purloiner then pulled a dagger, "Hand over the Lindens and no one gets hurt!"

The tellers then laughed again, one saying, "You expect us to be scared by a knife? Besides, knowing you it's another cheap freebie. It won't cut a thing!"

"I'll show you!" the robber then took the blade, and ran  it into a magazine rack.

*Crack!*

To his shock, the blade didn't do a thing to the rack. In fact, it had broken, the smaller piece falling onto the floor. "Um, I'll be on my way."

"Get 'im!"

Now in a panic, the thief bolted out the door and ran off. Heading to a pier, he spied a couple of boats. He quickly scampered up the walkway of one.

"So, we have ourselves a stowaway?"

"Huh?" the would-be bandit turned, and saw a bunch of sailors in 18th century wear, looking much like they had stepped from a pirate movie. "Um, I must be on the wrong ship."

"Ye be right about that," one dressed like an officer with a sword by his side growled, "This ain't no luxury vessel, every bloke be workin' fer his daily hardtack. Now go grab a brush n' bucket. Ye be swabbin' the deck!"

The robber looked back where he had climbed up, and he saw a couple sailors pulling up the gangplank already. "Batten down th' hatches," the officer yelled, "We be sailin' off this instant!"

Cooper then looked down, dispirited. It was going to be a hard trip.

Back at the Podex Exchange, the Second Life Police Department was called, and they did an investigation. Not finding Clumsy Cooper, they issued a warrant for his arrest for attempted greifing.

But even if Cooper's scheme had worked, there was no way he could have gotten away with any ill-gotten gains. “All our exchanges are done through electronic transfer,” a teller later explained to the SLPD, “He wouldn’t have walked away with a single Linden.”

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld at the Coda sim at (45, 218, 61).

Note: The preceding is a fictional story, written for the dual purpose of advertisement and entertainment.

By Bixyl Shuftan

Tales From Podex: Pilgrim Pilfering

By Bixyl Shuftan

 It was a fairly typical late November day at the Podex Exchange. Transactions were going about at  fairly busy rate. Between customers coming in, the tellers talked about where to get decorations for Thanksgiving. They also talked about holiday events, such as the one at Aero Pines Park.

It was in the middle of one of their conversations that a figure walked in. He was dressed all in black, with a white shirt underneath. He had on a dark cloak, and a funny hat with a buckle bigger than the one on his belt. Slung over his back was what looked like the stock of a firearm.

"Um, can we help you?" One of the tellers asked.

"Yes," spoke the visitor, "I was chasing a turkey, and I saw it run in here."

"A turkey?"

"Yes. I'm having a dinner of thanks with some very important neighbors, and they insisted a wild turkey be on the menu. Oh, I think I just saw him duck into there, where the vault is. I'll just be going in there after him."

"I think not," the teller chuckled, "I should have guessed it was just a matter of time before you pulled another one of your shenanigans, Clumsy Cooper."

"Who be clumsy? I just be a simple pilgrim trying to catch dinner for friends and family."

"I'll tell you what, since you livened up our day with your hilarity, we won't call the cops on you, if you just turn around and walk out that door."

"How about this?" Clumsy dropped his puritan act and drew the gun, a blunderbuss from the early days of firearms, "Hand over the Lindens, and no one gets hurt."

Instead of fear, the tellers just laughed, "You have got to be kidding. We know you. You haven't got the cash or patience to get anything more than a cheap freebie. That won't work here."

"Oh yeah?" Clumsy pointed the blunderbuss over the tellers' heads and pulled the trigger …

Nothing.

Clumsy blinked, then tried firing the gun again. It still wouldn't go off. "What the blazes? … He took the blunderbuss, and looked down the barrel

BLAM!!

The gun went off right in Clumsy's face. Fortunetly for him, the blunderbuss' ammo wasn't fatal, the old weapon's purpose being mainly to scare and make noise. But the blast knocked the thief right out, and he collapsed. Once the tellers made sure he was otherwise okay, they called the police. The SLPD then showed up, and took Clumsy away, charged with attempted griefing.

But even if Clumsy Cooper's scheme had worked, there was no way he could have gotten away with any ill-gotten gains. “All our exchanges are done through electronic transfer,” a teller later explained to the SLPD, “He wouldn’t have walked away with a single Linden.”

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld at the Coda sim at (45, 218, 61).

Note: The preceding is a fictional story, written for the dual purpose of advertisement and entertainment.

By Bixyl Shuftan

Tales From Podex: The Heist

By Bixyl Shuftan

He'd get them this time.

Cooper thought he'd lost them for good after they moved. Just why they up and went to another location, he never knew why. Maybe they were afraid he was finally about to pull off the perfect plan that would result in him walking away with all those Lindens. Well, finally he found it.

He thought about what plan to use this time on them, then he found out the building was different this time. Besides the bank, the place housed an art collection. So with that in mind, he decided to take a different strategy: swipe the art. Oh, he'd have to go through the trouble of having to fence the goods, but maybe he'd get lucky in finding someone willing to pay a good amount. And while it might not be robbing the vault, it would be finally pulling one over against the bank that had humiliated him for so long.

Cooper dropped by on a weekend, in which he figured the tellers wouldn't be there. He sneaked around to the side, threw a rope and hook up to the second floor, and made his way up. Well, at least he thought it was the second floor. He quickly noticed from the level of flooring just in front of him that he had ended up climbing up to a third level! He grumbled at his luck, having made twice the strenuous effort he needed to, but went about scouting around for valuables to take.

The first thing he saw was a contraption, some kind of waterwheel. Not recognizing anything of obvious great value elsewhere on the third floor, he made his way  over the side down to the second level. He noticed a sign over a doorway to inside, "Polish Art." But a quick glance inside showed lots of sculpture and modern art. Perhaps a bit heavy for a master thief like himself to carry.

But there were a couple paintings nearby out in the open, ripe for the taking. One was of a river and mountain range. The next was of a wheatfield with a girl looking at a water tower and building. There was also some narration.

First life, second life,
past life, future life,
on and on it goes …

The sun shines, the wind blows
through them all what always shows
is the beauty and experience …

With the wisdom gained,
I learn to appreciate …

Stillness and silence

The work was titled "Through All My Lives," by Allison Selene. The words of philosophy were lost on Cooper. But he had the idea this would be a picture more recognizable as unique, and perhaps worth less money to buyers who'd have to keep such a work from public view. But there was a third painting. He went over, and began looking it over.

"Fine art display, isn't it."

Surprised, Cooper turned, and found himself face to face with a wealthy-looking couple. Out on the street, he might simply have followed them to their home and staked it out to burgle when they were absent. But taken by surprise like this, his reaction was to back away, "Um, yes, fine art. Gotta go!"

He slipped into the doorway, but found himself face to face with a woman and her pet dog, "Yap! Yap! Yap!" That was enough. Clumsy then sprinted back out, over to the edge, and jumped over the wall. He made a hard landing, "Oooof!" While able to get up, he could only limp away.

As it turned out, Podex was open that day, as it is 24 hours a day seven days a week. Hearing about the intruder with the mask of dark fur around his eyes, the tellers called the police. As "Clumsy Cooper" hadn't actually laid a hand on anything, for once he hadn't committed a crime. But the SLPD is still looking for him for previous charges of attempted griefing.

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld at Moonberry (26, 223, 34).

Note: The preceding is a fictional story, written for the dual purpose of advertisement and entertainment.

Bixyl Shuftan

Tales From Podex: Moving Target

By Bixyl Shuftan

He'd get them this time.

Again and again, he had tried to rob that bank. And again and again, he had failed. While sometimes he had simply gotten away with nothing gained, others he'd been caught by the cops and tossed in the slammer for a while. Either way, he had no Lindens to show for all his work.

Well, it would be different this time. His plan would be foolproof. He'd hoodwink his way in, get access to the safe, then grab all the Lindens.

Nothing would go wrong.

He'd walk away vindicated as the master thief he was, and that Podex Bank would be humiliated. No more would they call him "Clumsy Cooper."

Reaching the Moonburry sim, he approached the bank's location, near the beach. He gleefully went over the steps of his flawless plans, then he stopped.

Something wasn't right. The bank wasn't supposed to look like that.

He continued forward, the closer he got, the more worried he got. "It, can't, be," he thought allowed. Finally, he reached the location.

The bank building was missing.

Podex was gone.

GONE!

In it's place, there was a large green sign, "WE MOVED. We moved to new location. Podex."

"No! Noooooooo!!"

The furred thief dropped to his knees, "NO!! I spent weeks perfecting the perfect plan! AND THEY MOVE!! You can't do this to me Podex! You can't do this to me!! Why?! Whyyyyyyyyyy?!!"

He collapsed onto the ground, sobbing, "It's, not, faaaiiirrrrr …"

*  *  *  *  *

Meanwhile many sims away in Coda, the tellers worked away at the new Podex Exchange building. "Well," one spoke to the other, "how do you like the new office so far?"


"It's great," the other answered, "There's lots of room, and I love the boss's art collection."

"Yes, he does like to collect."

"So far, we've been getting most of our usual level of traffic."

"It does look like our customers are having no trouble finding us."

The second teller pondered, "Hmmm, I wonder."

"What's up?"

"That Clumsy Cooper who's always trying to rob us."

"Oh yeah, knowing him, he probably won't know where to look for a while," both tellers chuckled, "even if he did, no matter what he tries, he won't walk away with a single Linden. All business is done through electronic transfer. He'll never get his hands on our Lindens."

"Yeah," the second teller continued to chuckle, "he'll never learn."

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld now at Coda (45, 218, 61).

Note: The preceding is a fictional story, written for the dual purpose of advertisement and entertainment.

Bixyl Shuftan

Tales From Podex: Robbery Rivalry

He'd get them this time.

It was September 19, or "Talk Like a Pirate Day," and he was ready to once again make his move on the Podex Bank. Most likely they were expecting him, probably to repeat his pirate imitation that somehow ended up falling to pieces of eight. Well, no pirate act this time.

He'd gotten his hands on a flashy "gun." It didn't fire bullets, but instead would let loose a series of bright, blinding lights. He'd dazzle the bank tellers, and while they were half blind with spots before their eyes, he'd go in, get the Lindens, and quickly be back out. Simple as that.

No more of their mocking. No more of their calling him "Clumsy Cooper." Finally he'd get some respect as the professional bank heist artist he was.

He soon got to the bank. No need for a disguise. In his usual dark leather jacket, he began walking up the steps …

"Avast me hearties! This be a stick-up!"

What the hey?

"Ye be givn' me all your pieces o' eight!"

He peeked inside. He saw someone confronting the tellers. With a guitar on his back, he looked like a musician, except for one thing. He was holding a sword, and he was pointing it at the tellers.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Heh, isn't it obvious? Who else could it be but Clumsy Cooper again? Only he could be this brazen and dense."

"But it looks nothing like Clumsy."

"Guess he got better at disguises. Heh heh, nice one Clumsy."

"Arrrr! Who be this Clumsy Cooper? Jes gimme ye gold, and aye not be stickn' ye with me rib poker an' takin' ye guts fer garters."

The tellers just laughed, "Now you just turn around and go, and we won't call the carps on you."

He couldn't believe it! Some other robber was after Podex. HIS Podex! Well, he wouldn't stand for that.

He then walked in, "Now wait just a darn minute!" He confronted the sword-wielding guitarist, "This bank's mine!"

The musician with a most unmusical instrument looked his way, "Who the bloody hell be ye?"

"I'm the guy who has dibs on this bank. I've been trying to get what's mine for over a year now. I'm not going to let you beat me to it."

"Then ye be a lousy cutpurse. Stand back an' leave th' plundering' to me."

"Well what do you know?" One teller commented, "We have two numbskulls who think they can rob us today."

"Shut up!" both robbers yelled in unison, then Cooper raised his weapon, "All right, this ends now!" He pulled the trigger, and …

Nothing.

He pulled the trigger again, still nothing.

One of the tellers chuckled, "Your freebie didn't work as advertised, Clumsy?"

"This thing must be stuck or something." Frustrated, he looked closer at the gun.

POOF!

The gun had gone off, but the light went in all directions, not just forward, and he'd gotten it in the eyes at point blank range, "Ahhhh!"

"Ow, that stung me eye, ye clumsy landlubber!"

Half blinded, Cooper could barely make out the other robber going to him, then he felt a punch to the jaw. He staggered back, then felt a body blow to his stomach. He bent over, walking backward, "Urrrrgh, I'll, get, you."

"Ye be gettin' nowt but a knuckle sandwich ye dumb landlubber." Cooper saw the other robber back up a foot, then suddenly spring forward. He felt a tremendous blow to the chin, and fell backward. He fell over the bank steps, and onto the beach.

Cooper blacked out momentarily. When he came to, he looked around, and saw a SLPD car next to him. Surprised, he stood up. But then saw it was empty.

"All right!" he heard from inside, "You're under arrest for attempted griefing."

"I don't understand," he heard the other robber say, speaking more normally, "How could things have gone so wrong?"

"Well, number one," he heard a teller speak, "you were so busy with Clumsy Cooper, you didn't see us alert the authorities. Number two, your sword broke when you hit the counter because it was a cheap one not much better than a freebie. And number three, criminals are stupid."

"Why you …"

"That will be quite enough," he heard someone else speak, presumably another policeman, "Yes, we saw Clumsy too. Knocked out like a light. We thought he knocked himself out again, then we heard the commotion in here."

"Yeah, we finally found someone as dumb as Clumsy."

"Shuttup!"

"Where you're going, you'll have lots of quiet time. You have the right to remain silent. … "

It was then Cooper decided to sneak away, knowing where the police would be headed next. He slipped away into some vegetation. As he moved further away, he grumbled to himself about another plan gone awry. But at least the guy responsible would be the one getting locked up instead of him.

Back at the bank, the cops did a quick search for Clumsy Cooper, but not finding him radioed the station, and drove off with the suspect in custody. Inside Podex, things quickly went back to normal, reminding themselves even if the robbers had cooperated, they wouldn't have walked away with a single Linden. All business was done through electronic transfer. There was never any threat to the banks' funds.

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld at Moonberry (26, 223, 34).

Note: The preceding is a fictional story, written for the dual purpose of advertisement and entertainment.

Bixyl Shuftan

Tales from Podex: Olympic Flaming

It was a typical day for the Podex bank in late July. The month had been an eventful time for the Podex Exchange. With the Relay for Life earlier in the month, people had bought Lindens to give to the American Cancer Society through their teams. Now with the end of the month nearing, things were more or less back to normal, people coming in to get Lindens for swimsuits and other summer gear. There was a little talk about the upcoming Olympics, and between visits from customers, one teller was talking to the others about going to one of the London areas for the events there.

The talk was soon interrupted by a visitor. He wasn't dressed in much, just shorts and a white shirt with the Olympic Games logo and "London 2012." In his hand, there was a torch that burned brightly. But the one wearing them was clearly recognizable.

"Clumsy Cooper!" One of the tellers called out, "You got some nerve showing up. And while you're worn some lame disguises before, this doesn't even begin to hide you."

"Who said anything about hiding?" Clumsy asked, "I'm just helping to spread the Olympic spirit, on my way to the London sim." He walked further inside the building.

"Yeah, right! Now you just turn around before we call the cops on you!"

"How about this?" He put the lit end of the torch next to some plants, "Hand over your Lindens, and I won't set fire the place."

The tellers just looked at him for a moment before one spoke again, "I'll have to hand it to you, I never heard of a bank being held up with a torch before."

"Fine. Now just show me the money!"

"I think we shall not."

"I told you, I'll make this place burn!" He had the torch almost touching the leaves of the foilage.

"Go ahead and try. Knowing you, that torch is a freebie that can't light a thing"

"I'll show you!" The bandit then tried igniting the plant. But nothing happened. He then tried the dried leaves under it, still nothing.

"You never learn, do you?"

"Grrrr …" Irritated, the thief swung it at a nearby machine to try to ignite it. But living up to his name, Clumsy didn't have a firm enough grip on the torch, and it slipped out of his hands. It fell to the ground, and broke in two, the flame fading away. Clumsy looked at the sight in disbelief, "Um … "

"Get him!"

Hearing those words, the masked intruder then bolted from the building, running down the stairs, and down the beach. He ran to some nearby homes and vanished from view. Currently, Clumsy Cooper is wanted by the SLPD on charges of attempted griefing.

The Podex Exchange has a record of being one of the safest Linden exchange services in Second Life, the data processing done outside the exchange, and has a record of thousands of satisfied customers. Transactions can be done at their website, or their location inworld at Moonberry (26, 223, 34).

Note: The preceding is a fictional story, written for the dual purpose of advertisement and entertainment.

Bixyl Shuftan